Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
