No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
