please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
