oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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