Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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