I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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