Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize