summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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