my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
