You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
