Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
