vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
