Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
