Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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