Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
