My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize