all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
