I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
