mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
