The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
