Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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