My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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