My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You can't just leave with hair like that
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
