I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
