At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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