He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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