apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
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