I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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