My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
