having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
