i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize