the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
