She is in my trunk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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