the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
