Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
