after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
