I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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