i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize