he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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