i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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