I wish i was in the wii world.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
