WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize