so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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