I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
