i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
