it was like eating out sand paper
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
