Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
