I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
