im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize