First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
