I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
