He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
