I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize