yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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