marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
