Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
