apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
