I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
