Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Too much gin, very little bucket
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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