mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
