I'm sorry my penis didn't work
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
