So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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