The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
