The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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