Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
