....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
