found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
