Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
