What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
