On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
