I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
