Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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