Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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