somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
