At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
