Taylor Swift is so right about you.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
